~~~The Legend of Bob~~~ Official Discussion Thread

[Sartorius]

This section of the forum has so few threads that I'm making one because it's 1 A.M. and I've nothing better to do. This is a story you guys can read or whatever. I started it at school one day while some marching band members were at Disneyworld but never finished it, and I hate unfinished stories. Not to mention I would like to have a record of the most EPIC TALE ALIVE. It's not as entertaining without me narrating it, but it'll have to do. So without further ado, I present The Legend of Bob!

Main Character:
Name: Bob
Age: ??
Race: Human
Description: Bob is 100 percent pure awesome. He loves grilled chicken and hopes to one day exceed the power of Chuck Norris.
Weapon: Excalibob
Description: The awesomest of awesome blades in Awesomeland.
Ok, now that we know who Bob is, I can start typing the most nonsensical story ever.

[Sartorius]

After the heroic episode in which Bob slew the mighty overpowered Furby Lord, the entire land was turned into flowers with his last squeak. All the flowers remained the size they were before they were transformed and thus giant flowers roamed the land and were enraged at Bob for the fate that had befallen them.

[Sartorius]

"OMG WE H8 YOU BAWB! WE'RE GONNA Kll U with our skillz" said the angry flowers. They had been granted the 1337 powuhs of Sailor Moon and summoned a giant planetary body that threatened to crush the land of Georgia in 3 days. Bob knew only one person that was able to stop the flowers before the planetary body (Moon) crashed into Georgia, obliterating Jim Bob's delicious chicken and the land of Coca-Cola. That person was Martha Stewart, who lied in the realm of Alcatraz for crimes against the stock market.

[Sartorius]

DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY
_{72 Hours Remain}

Bob, wielding the mighty blade Excalibob headed toward Alcatraz, which was all the way in New Zealand. Fortunately timezones there were screwed up, so he could go there without failing the three day time limit he had to save the land of Georgia. Bob went to First Airport of Georgia (FAG for short) to go to New Zealand, but unfortunately everyone there had been turned into a flower as well, much to Bob's dismay.

[Sartorius]

~I hate being in this FAG~ thought Bob. "RAWR ITS BOB!" screamed one of the flowers at the baggage claim area. "Let's get him! If he hadn't slain the all powerful Furby Lord, we wouldn't be in this predicament!"said another, smarter flower with glasses. Soon the flowers in the airport began ganging up on him, and Bob was surrounded. ~They must be brainwashed. But Furby Lord didn't have mind controlling powers...There must be a higher force responsible.~ thought Bob, who drew his blade though he was outnumbered.

[Sartorius]

Suddenly, down from the center of the airport's roof descended a being so powerful that his essence can barely contained within this story. His name is Chuck Norris. With a level on par with Super Saiyan 4 Gogeta, he blew up all of the flowers with his very presence. "Y-Y-You're Chuck..." started Bob. "Silence! Saying my name will cause this place to implode." CN replied, a glowing aura surrounding him. "Why are you here helping me?" asked Bob in amazement. "I know you're on a quest to stop the moon from pwning this place, and I need you to do that. If the moon destroys Georgia, then part of my fan base will die, and I will no longer have enough energy to use my Ultimate Spirit Bomb Attack.

[Sartorius]

"So you just need me to use your attack?" said Bob in a crestfallen voice. "Exactly." said Chuck Norris in a voice which could raise the dead at will. "Awesome! I get to be used by Chuck...CN! But with all the airline assistants dead, I don't have any way to get to New Zealand!" replied Bob whose eyes were beginning to bleed from staring at Chuck Norris for too long. "No problem. I have a secret ability to transform into an airplane, so I'll take you. Oh, and take these before you don't have any eyes left." said Chuck Norris, who had transformed into an airplane ten thousand times cooler than Optimus Prime.

DA NA NA NA
Bob obtained CN Sunglasses. These things are so awesome because they contain 1/100000000000 of Chuck Norris' power. Equip them to C to destroy anyone who would try to FIRE THEIR LAZUH.

[Sartorius]

And so Bob and Chuck Norris flew off to New Zealand, hoping to discover Martha Stewart and her flower stopping ways when they were attacked by Sephiroth, who was in a giant airship made out of 115% recycled aluminum, which made it lighter than air apparently.
(Cue One Winged Angel)
"What brings you to my part of the sky?" yelled Sephiroth as his airship decreased the distance between itself and Chuck Norris.
"Aren't you dead, Sephiroth? I swear you were killed in both Final Fantasy 7 and Advent Children!" yelled Bob, drawing Excalibob from its sheath.
"Silence! The great Sephiroth can never die because those fan-girls keep bringing me back to life hoping to bask in my sheer glory. Of course, I immediately impale them with my new and improved soul stealing katana." said Sephiroth, twirling his blade with his mind.

[Sartorius]

"I'm just flying to New Zealand to save Georgia from a giant moon that threatens to consume everything!" said Bob frantically, in a rush to find Martha Stewart.

"Very well. I shall explain my motives, then. I am looking for an entity powerful enough to resurrect Aeris." said Sephiroth laughing at the top of his lungs.

"But I thought you killed her so she wouldn't summon something to stop you, or whatever crazy BS plot FFVII had."

Sephiroth donned a look of grave seriousness as he said "There are two reasons why I do this: One- I have a thing for impaling women and Two- If I absorb her soul enough times I could easily summon a god, absorb its powers, and become one myself." said Sephiroth.

[Sartorius]

"Oh. So you're just insane, right?" asked Bob, putting on his sunglasses so he could better look out for New Zealand.

"Pretty much, although I don't need YOU to tell me that. Now, let's get back on topic. That entity powerful enough to make me a god is quite elusive. First it was in Texas, then in Georgia, and now my radar says it's somewhere in this very sky...Tell me, boy. Do you know what the source of power is?" asked Sephiroth in as gentle a voice as possible.

~Don't let him know it's me. The world depends on this secret.~ Chuck Norris telepathically said to Bob, who said "No." to Sephiroth.

"Hmm...You would dare defy Sephiroth? You must be that source of power then!" said Sephiroth, who used the hax of Instant Transmission to move right behind Bob.

[Sartorius]

"Ah!" screamed Bob, who was not accustomed to people appearing right behind him.

"As I usually save impalement for the ladies, I shall instead cast my ultimate spell upon you! Epic Supernova Meteor Attack Execute!" yelled Sephiroth, who began charging his power.

~What am I gonna do?~ thought Bob. Bob looked at the bracelet he had been given a while ago with the letters WWCND engraved in it. ~What would CN do?~ thought Bob, who took off his sunglasses in his dire attempt to stop Sephiroth.

[Sartorius]

"IMMA FIERIN MAH LAZUH!!!!!!!!!!111!!!one" yelled Sephiroth as a giant meteor began hurling straight toward Bob and Chuck Norris in his plane form.

"Here goes..." said Bob nervously as he threw the sunglasses straight toward the meteor which was seconds away from obliterating him. As Bob had hoped, the meteor was reflected off of his shades and back toward Sephiroth, the sunglasses remaining completely unharmed and returning to Bob.

"What's this? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" yelled Sephiroth as the meteor struck him in the chest sending him straight into the sky toward the sun.

[Sartorius]

"Looks like Sephiroth is blasting off agaaaaaaaaaain." said Sephiroth as his voice became more distant. As he left the atmosphere, a gleaming twinkle was found in the sky where he had been.

~Good work! I could've done much better, though.~ said Chuck Norris telepathically to Bob.

"Yea, yea. Onward to New Zealand!" exclaimed Bob as he and the great Chuck Norris began their descent into their next destination.

__________________________________________________________
End of Chapter 1

And there you have the first tale in the exciting saga of The Legend of Bob. So, what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Both? Post you questions, comments, and concerns and I'll answer them and proceed to the next chapter later today.

Until next chapter,
King Zant

[Justice Bringer]

love

i remember when you started this story lol

[Alexander]

WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Sartorius]

Chapter 2: Arrival

King Zant is back, and I thank the two of you for your support. I'll have to add you guys into the story as a cameo or something later on. Anyway, without further ado, here is chapter two in the exciting series of the Legend of Bob.
_________________________________________________________

Dawn of the 2.5^th day
_{LOL SOME HOURS REMAIN}

Bob checked his watch and found that one and one half days had already passed since they left Georgia.

"What the heck, CN? I thought you could move at the speed of light. We've got 36 hours before Georgia is demolished!" Chuck Norris transformed back into his human form as the two landed on the delicious New Zealand ground.

"Don't get smart with me or I'll kick you in the face." said Chuck Norris, who seemed to be losing energy as he spoke.

"What's wrong with you? I've never seen you so pathetic before." said Bob, staring at his former hero in disbelief.

"It's this place...there are so few believers...of my power...that I'm losing it. Go, Bob. You must find...Martha...on your own..." said Chuck Norris as he collapsed to the ground.

[Sartorius]

"No...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Bob, who saw that prices for gas in New Zealand were extremely cheap compared to Georgia, forgetting about Chuck Norris entirely. "I wish I hadn't bought all that gas in America. Ah well, I have to find Alcatraz." said Bob, running over Chuck Norris to a nearby store.

Meanwhile, in the epic Cave of Solitude
"Ha ha ha...I must stop that fool before he awakens Martha. This entire land of New Zealand must not fall victim to her economy destroying powers." said a mysterious voice, oddly similar to President Bush.

"Do you know where Alcatraz is?" asked Bob to the many people at the store, all of whom ran away in fear of the word. "I guess it's not the best place, then." he said, accidentally sitting at a table with a mysterious robed woman.

[Sartorius]

Bob started muttering to himself, unaware that the robed woman was listening to his every word. "Hmm...I've got to find Alcatraz. If I don't find Martha Stewart then Jim Bob's delicious chicken will forever be gone, and I'll be forced to eat at..." Bob trailed off, shuddering at the mere thought of the restaurant Taco Bell.

The robed woman stared at him, intrigued with his plan to save Georgia. "So, you want to save your hometown, child?" she asked, startling Bob.

"Woah! Where'd you come from? And how do you know my name?" replied Bob, turning around to see the robed woman.

"I never said your name..." she replied.

"Yeah you did." said Bob, drawing his blade to prepare for a fight.

"No I didn't."

"Yeah you did!"

"No I DIDN'T!!!"

They went on like this for several hours as the people in the store watched the argument in amazement.

[Duke Nukem]

Good game. Two questions: WHERE THE HELL IS MUK, AND WHERE THE HELL IS DUKE NUKEM. No epic tale is complete without those two...unless they're in the sequel.

[Sartorius]

Don't worry, Duke. They'll be in there soon enough.
_________________________________________________
DAWN OF TEH THIRD DAY
_{HOLY CRAP THE LAND OF GEORGIA IS DOOMED}

Spending so much time bickering, Bob failed to realize that his time to save Georgia was almost up.

"Oh, you're right. You didn't say my name." replied Bob, putting an end to the pointless argument. "Sorry."

"Such a stubborn child...Anyway, you and I share a common goal." the woman said, preparing to stand up.

"We both want to catch all 493 Pokemon?" asked Bob, oblivious to the reason he entered New Zealand in the first place.

[Sartorius]

"No..." the woman said, slightly impatient.

"We both want to have a cupcake from the Olive Garden, which sells the best Italian food. LOLOL JK." Bob said, knowing full well that Olive Garden sucks.

"No..." she said again, this time having anger hinted in her voice.

"We both want to go Super Saiyan 3 one day?" Bob asked, this time certain that he was correct in his guess.

"NO YOU ******** IDIOT! WE BOTH DON'T WANT TO CATCH POKEMON! WE BOTH DON'T WANT A ******* CUPCAKE FROM THE WORST RESTAURANT IN EXISTENCE, AND WE BOTH HAVE NO DESIRE TO GO SUPER SAIYAN 3!!!! WE BOTH WANT TO GO SEE MOTHER ##$^%@#% MARTHA STEWART!!!!!!!!" the woman yelled, her rage meter going max.

[Sartorius]

At those words, the entire crowd in the store gasped, as they knew that Martha Stewart was the most hardened criminal in New Zealand, and anyone who wanted to see her was up to no good. They summoned pitchforks and torches out of nowhere and moved in around Bob and the hooded woman, who merely said "Oops."

"Look what you've done now! There was no need to yell..." Bob said with a hint of annoyance in his voice to a very exasperated robed woman.

"I hate you." the woman said, and she immediately used her 1337 magik skillz (as all New Zealanders have magik skillz) to teleport themselves out of the store right before the torches hit where they were sitting moments ago.

[Sartorius]

The two arrived in front of a cave with a locked aluminum door which, as weak as it was, could not be opened by the New Zealanders for some reason.

"Where are we?" asked Bob, unsheathing Excalibob out of fear.

"We are at the entrance to the Prison of Legend, Alcatraz." said the woman, smiling beneath her hooded robe.

"The door looks really weak...Why has no one bothered to escape yet?" Bob asked, walking up to the aluminum door.

"All the people in New Zealand are pansies who use magic for everything. They have no physical strength whatsoever and are thus unable to open such a crude, magic resistant door. I sensed that an outsider would one day come here, one with strength able to open this door." the woman explained to Bob, demonstrating how she could not break the door even with her mightiest punch. "It's also laced in cyanide, arsenic, and chocolate milk, so most people don't touch it anyway, even though we New Zealanders aren't affected by it." she added before Bob had the chance to kill himself by touching the door.

[Sartorius]

"So I'd better use my sword then?" Bob asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Looks that way, doesn't it?" the woman said bitterly at Bob's dumb question.

"Alright. SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME EPIC SPINNING SLASH ATTACK!" Bob yelled, twirling around with his blade. The door was slashed repeatedly and like melted butter it fell to the ground.

"Good work. Now, let us proceed." said the woman, entering the cave and leading Bob down a dark and narrow corridor. She used another of her 1337 magik skillz to summon a torch so they could see their way. Bob put on his sunglasses because he thought they would be cool to wear.

"So, why do you want to see Martha?" asked Bob, curious as to why Martha would need to be seen by one of the New Zealanders.

"My motives shall all become clear in due time." the woman said shortly, stopping right before they fell into a huge pit.

"Woah! What's down there?" Bob asked, frightened because he has always had a fear of falling into holes with no chance of returning to the surface.

[Sartorius]

"There is the place where Martha Stewart is being held. Be warned, as once you enter this pit you will have to face the guardian of Martha's lair. It is the penultimate challenge awaiting anyone who would dare awaken her." the woman said, reaching into her pocket for something.

Bob gulped, anxious to see what the challenge would be and if he was powerful enough to handle it.

"Take this." the woman said, handing Bob a shield. "I stole this shield from a guy named Jack Thompson. I promised myself that I would give it to the one that helped me awaken Martha." she said with glee.

DA NA NA NA

You got the Censor Shield. Blessed by the FCC and former property of Jack Thompson, this shield not only defends you against attacks but bad words as well!

"Thanks." said Bob, equipping the shield. It suited him nicely, aside from the letters JT written on the front. "Well, I guess we'd better go..." said Bob, and he and the robed woman jumped into the pit to find the guardian that awaits them.
________________________________________________________________
End of Chapter Two

I bet you didn't expect me to kill off Chuck Norris so early in the story? Ah, well. He had a good run, and Bob has a new companion. Sorry for finishing this chapter so late, I've been occupied with other stuff. Read on tomorrow to find out what happens to Bob and the mysterious robed woman.

Once again, post any questions, comments, concerns, etc and I'll address them ASAP.

King Zant signing off.