Awesome Land 3: Trial of the Wind Sage

[Duke Nukem]

The already unstable ground totally crumbled under Clyde's fists, leaving Narrator to stand on...nothing. Physics just won't stop happening, will it...

"I guess we'll have to do this the hard way," Narrator mused. The hero flung the massive spear at Clyde's chest, the weapon leaving a trail of pure victory behind it.

[DERRICK]

Derrick put on his trench coat and sun glasses. He then began to dodge Zais' attacks in slow motion.

[Sartorius]

"I feel this battle will go nowhere really fast. In math, if I can't easily solve a problem (which rarely happens) I get rid of everything that's making the problem harder...Excessive variables, for one...You two are the math problem, and your land is the variable. Holograms, attack!" Seth said, A glimpse of sadism could be seen in his face as the hologram army flew toward the Kingdom of Really Cool. Monitoring their progress with his CUPS, he saw them destroy as much there as they could.

Seth drew a sword made of Omnilium, the same nearly indestructible material that composed 99 percent of Metallo Ridley's body. "Die." he said simply as he raise his sword in the air, swooped down toward Cassandra and brought his sword down toward her.

[Myrdraxxis]

Zais jumped back and brought his weapons up. A quick chant and they were now glowing with epicness.

[Duke Nukem]

Dolf Holhagen appeared out of nowhere on his motorcycle. In his classic dialogue devoid fashion, he tapped Seth on his shoulder from behind him with one hand and relieved him of his sword with the other.

[Sartorius]

"Ah...Such amazing strength, Narrator." Clyde commended Narrator on piercing his chest. "But alas, you are no match for my power. For the sin of defying physics time after time, you shall suffer." Clyde said, and he pulled the spear from his chest. With a slight tap, the weapon transformed into Dave Grohl. Wielding a guitar, Dave charged at the Narrator.

[DERRICK]

Derrick's sword was 50% lightsaberium, so it was already glowing.
"Stop copying me!" said Derrick as he split into 5 equally powerful Derricks.

[Sartorius]

Seth turned toward Dolf and said "A...viking?" "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SUCH LACK OF PHYSICS!" Seth exclaimed, taking out several more bottles of red liquid. "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" he yelled, flying around in a circle dropping liquid everywhere. The earth soon burst into flames everywhere, obliterating McJimmy's and devastating the mountains. The resulting smoke blocked the sun and caused it to snow.

[Myrdraxxis]

Zais brought up his weapons and charged.

(Skip long fight scene with that Starwars song going in the background)

[Mizagium]

"No!" Sarah screamed as Metallo Ridley brought his sword down on Cassandra. She reacted instinctively, bringing her hands together. A translucent barrier formed around her and Cassandra. Metallo Ridley's sword rebounded off the Null-Barrier.

Sarah yelled again and released her hands. the barrier burst outward in all directions, disintegrating all of the Holograms. The hunting lodge was utterly destroyed. Metallo Ridley lay in a heap of ruined metal several yards away.

Sarah took Oblivion, walked over to Metallo Ridley and furiously hacked away at its limbs. Finally removing its head with a frustrated cry.

She stumbled back to Cassandra and sat down. "Well, shall we be off?" She said rather off-handedly.

[Duke Nukem]

"Dave Grohl, eh? I think not. Come to me...JERRY GARCIA!!??!?!?!!?" Narrator called out. The chubby Grateful Dead guitarist burst forth and cancelled out Dave Grohl, turning him back into a gargantuan spear resting on the nonextistent ground.

"Now it's time to REALLY defy physics, or 'sin' as you call it," Narrator declared. It began raining piggies. PIGGIES.

[Xero]

One of McJimmy's hundreds of McJimmy brothers appeared out of the ruined McJimmy's Restaurant.

"Before you go, please come inside and have something to eat," he said. He turned around and walked back into McJimmy's... As everyone watched him reenter McJimmy's, it suddenly hit them that McJimmy's was randomly repaired, as if nothing had happened. McJimmy's is made of pure awesome and, like Derrick, can't be destroyed that easily.

[DERRICK]

the 4 other Derricks caught the pigs, and cooked them over a pit of burning hickory.
"Villians! LUNCHTIME!!!" said all the Derricks in perfect harmony.

[Duke Nukem]

More piggies rained down. MORE PIGGIES.

[Myrdraxxis]

Zais paused to eat one of the pigs and then went back to trying to rip Derrick limb from limb.

[Mizagium]

"HEY YOU!" Bill Nye called to the Ridley Siblings. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE ME A HAND?"

The three pterodactyls looked at each other. "What's in it for us?" Ridley called back to the floating Tower.

"WELL, UHH.... WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The dragons did not respond. "I COULD SHOW YOU HAVE TO DEFY PHYSICS!" Bill offered.

"Okay, that works!"

"EXCELLENT!" A hatch opened up in the roof. "COME ON IN!" the three Ridley's flew into Bill Nye's Flying Tower.

[Sartorius]

"Such lack of physics...Die!" Seth yelled. He threw several more explosive bottles at the building and at McJimmy, destroying them again.
____________________________________________________

"Such abuse of physics...Perfect!" laughed Clyde. He drew a halo in the air with his finger and it stretched around the circumference of the pit and flew toward the top. All of the piggies that rained were immediately cooked as they passed through the now flaming ring.

[DERRICK]

Derrick then summoned a herd of cattle. There was much feasting to be had before this battle could be over.

[Duke Nukem]

"Mmmmm, toasty."

Narrator axe-handled Clyde from behind because physics are dumb, sending him hurtling into the nonexistent but still there ground.

[DERRICK]

Derrick forgot to tell everyone that he was cooking the food with poisoned hickory.
"Got Ya Zais!!!!" said Derrick as Zais rushed to the men's room.

[Myrdraxxis]

Zais decided to contribute and summoned a herd of....mudkipz!!! He quickly roasted them and served them with a side of tarter sauce.

[Mizagium]

The Hearts glanced overhead at the Flying Tower. Knox could only *facepalm8.

"HEY YOU FOUR!" Bill Nye called. "I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE SCROLLS! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE ME A HAND?"

"Why would we help you?" Knox asked the question the Ridley's did not. "Aren't you the one who asked US to find them?"

"YES...BUT...PLEASE! IF YOU HELP ME, I WILL MAKE EVERYTHING CLEAR! i WILL SHOW YOU ALL HOW TO DEFY PHYSICS EVEN MORE THAN YOU ALREADY DO!"

"Eh...Okay." Knox agreed. A ladder dropped from the Flying Tower and the Hearts climbed up.

[Sartorius]

"Ahahaha...No physics..." Clyde said. "Just the way I like it. The more you sin the greater the chance you join me in my Fallen Paradise." said Clyde, rising into the air. He summoned his Shadow Rifle again and flew as high into the air as possible. "You'll all die here lest you join me." With those words he fired as many Shadow Bullets as the non existent floor would take.

[Duke Nukem]

Impossible.

[DERRICK]

Derrick ate the poisoned mudkipz wile Zais continued to spew out chocolate mud babby.