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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 21, 2008 19:40:14 GMT -5
And lo, the story begins, in no other place but Oklahoma. Our epic tale unfolds in accordance with the following events, so, lo and behold, it begins.
Herbert was a young boy, 11 years old. He and his family lived on a farm, isolated from any neighbors. The nearest town was 5 or so miles off, Herbert didn't have any friends. He was an only child, but that didn't mean his family was small. In addition to his mother and father, his grandmother lived in the attic of their humble abode. She rarely left her lair, as her age made it difficult to traverse the ladder that lead to the rest of the home. Herbert's 3 uncles and 2 aunts also lived on the property, in their various nooks and crannies. His 5 other cousins also shared the land. Not that any of this matters, because their story is about to come to an end. The morning that this story begins marks the begginning of an adventure...in other words, the entire property is instantly decimated with the crashing of a huge meteor. The one survivor was...
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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 21, 2008 19:58:56 GMT -5
And lo, I made his triumphant entrance to our planet. That is right, this story is my story. It is I, Narrator. I will now tell this story in 3rd person. The story...of Narrator.
Needless to say, Narrator was pretty pissed. He ended up on some crappy planet with high gas prices and Sean Hannidy. Naturally, he wanted off this rock. However, due to rising gas prices, Narrator would never be able to afford to get past Uranus. Since it would really suck getting stuck on Uranus, Narrator decided to stay on Earth until a better solution presented itself. He traveled to the next town via Kamehameha blasts, and went straight to the rural-style general store. The store's clerk, who just happened to be a Vietnam veteran who was suspicious of people who shoot energy blasts from their hands and fly, kindly asked him to leave. After the bleeding stopped, he pointed Narrator to the nearest large city. Before he left, Narrator delivered another swift kick to the ass to the clerk, to remind him who's bitch he was. That's how Narrator rolls. Our hero then set of for the nearest major metropolis, Baghdad.
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Xero
Smash Apprentice
Xero is back!
Posts: 160
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Post by Xero on Jul 21, 2008 20:07:14 GMT -5
YES!!! Official story forums!! Anthony, do it! Make a new forum just for stories. Then we can all unleash our creative minds, allowing them to wander all over that section instead of all over the EHS Smash site.
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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 22, 2008 19:49:49 GMT -5
The day Narrator arrived in Baghadad, all the terrorists died, George Bush left office, and the war was over, all due to the amazing power that is Narrator's kickass dancing skillz. That is a story for another day, however.
Our hero was a little tired, and extremely awesome, so he went to visit his old friend who conveniently lived across the street from where he was kicking ass and chewing bubble gum...
EStal20 heard a knocking at his door. He went to open it, only to see his old friend Narrator before his very eyes. He died.
Narrator stepped over the bloody corpse of his friend, who was wearing a pink frilly apron for some reason, and muttered something about, "Gay tard was baking cookies...you don't bake cookes when I come to town." Narrator quickly decimated the entire apartment of EStal20 to make sure his faggotry could not spread.
"I guess I'll have to go to my other friend's apartment," said Narrator, ignoring the plot convenience...
GIVE ME PRAISE. GIVE ME SUGGUESTIONS. On second thought, I don't care. Do whatever...
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Post by Anthony G on Jul 23, 2008 6:07:57 GMT -5
lol how come I haven't seen this until today?
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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 23, 2008 17:42:09 GMT -5
Narrator entered Mote's apartment, and was immediately confused by the array of bicycles. "What's with the fag-cycles, Mote? I though you played some stupid instrument or something...wait, did you SHAVE YOUR LEGS?" Narrator incredulously exclaimed (OMG WTF BIG WORDS!!  !?!??!?!) "YA, IMA BIKE-DUDE NAO. COOL, RIGHT?" Mote said. Narrator, infuriated by the utter insanity of Mote, proceeded to punch Mote through a window. Unfortunatly for Mote, his apartment had no windows, so Narrator settled for the brick wall of the 5-story apartment. "What is with Baghdad? Something's wrong here, because all these people are experiencing epic fail" Narrator said as he looked down at the street. People were biking with shaved legs and giving creepy smiles everywhere, and he couldn't understand why. Before he set out to find the source of the faggotry, Narrotor put all the faggots out of their misery by administering a series of swift kicks to the ass. |
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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 23, 2008 17:47:39 GMT -5
No sooner had Narrator finished kicking ass did the source of all that was wrong in Baghdad appear before him. "IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZARS," said the mysterious stranger who whose name just happened to be Darth Vader. "Okay, whatever," our grand hero said in the most epic of ways. "IMA FIRIN MAH LAZARS" Darth Vader said in his infamous and seriously screwed up voice. "Eh," Narrotor said, somewhat distracted by an ant hill. "SHOOP THE WOOP!!??!?!!! !?!" said Darth Vader, with much punctuation and enthusiasm. As the lazar rushed towards Narrator, our hero looked up in time to not care. With one flick of hs wrist, Gary Coleman appeared to take the blow for him. And that's the story of why Gary Coleman looks the way he does. |
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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 23, 2008 17:47:59 GMT -5
THE END?
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Post by Anthony G on Jul 23, 2008 18:09:39 GMT -5
I just read this. You need to make Darth Vader be Austin. Mote and Estal made this too good.
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Post by Duke Nukem on Jul 28, 2008 21:15:33 GMT -5
I'm not done until creativity becomes a competition between me and Austin, so don't worry. It's not over until Oprah has a heart attack. OMG WTF SPOILER ALERT!??!!!??!?!
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DERRICK
Smash Master
Destroyer of Worlds
fuck the meta game
Posts: 894
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Post by DERRICK on Sept 27, 2008 13:58:57 GMT -5
I'm not done until creativity becomes a competition between me and Austin, so don't worry. It's not over until Oprah has a heart attack. OMG WTF SPOILER ALERT!??!!!??!?! she got shot. didn't you see the fake article? |
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!?!??!?!)
